Combat clueless college courtship

If you don't know if you're on a date, it's hard to tell the difference between blinks and eyelash batting, thumb wars and handholding.

Whether or not you're on a date can depend on how you're asked, where the date is, and how the person sitting across from you is acting.

Once a new couple finally acknowledges they're on a date, all sorts of unspoken questions hang in the air, like who should pay and how each person should act.

Each date is different, and there's no magic formula making one successful. That being said, here are a few short lessons, drawn from my own personal experience research and interviews, on how to decode the mystery of the Chico State date.

Being asked out to junior prom via text message didn't sit well with me.

Call me corny, but I prefer the classy fellas that don't hide behind technology because of their fears of being rejected.

I text my friends to hang out all of the time, but that doesn't make it a date.

It's difficult to read between the lines of texts and emails to figure out the difference between "hanging out" and being on a date.

Asking someone out through a text message or the Internet is detached and shows insecurity. The date doesn't count unless the invitation is a little dated. If it's not important enough to ask someone out face to face, the relationship will show it.

Online dating sites such as eHarmony and PlentyOfFish claim to help people find love.

I have had a number of friends that had success on such websites, so I decided to see what all the hype was about - bad idea.

As I was browsing, I found it hard to believe that an 18-year-old male I found was really 18.

He looked 18 in the picture, but the bottom of the photo showed that it was taken in October 1976.

There can be anyone behind your computer screen, from fellas with conviction to convicted felons. Online dating starts with courtship, but if you're not careful, it could end with a court order.

Figuring out who pays during the dating period can get pretty fuzzy.

Paying during a date depends not only on the people in the relationship, but the occasion, said Angela Harter, a graduate student studying nutrition who has been in a relationship for three years.

For the first few dates it's appropriate for the male to pay, but on casual occasions, like grabbing a bite before catching a movie, the cost should be divided.

There is no right or wrong answer, Harter said.

But not everyone agrees.

The male should pay throughout the entire relationship, said Thomas Robie, an undeclared freshman.

"The whole time I always paid, really," Robie said. "I guess you could split it. It just seems weird."

Rather than conform to the heterosexual tradition of male pay, Jessica Arriga, a junior multicultural and gender studies major, said she and her date would take turns paying the bill.

"Sometimes we would split it if we were low on cash," Arriga said.

Due to cultural influences such as TV, books and movies, people in our society have a tendency to assume that in same sex relationships, one person adopts the more masculine role and the other the feminine role, Arriga said.

"I think people need to realize that, and I'm only speaking for women, that not every lesbian couple gives into that dynamic," she said. "They might both want to be feminine or even the one that dresses more feminine might feel like the more dominant masculine person that day."

Over the course of the relationship, who pays depends on the people, their situation and what feels appropriate.

I'm not saying there are specific guidelines to when the other person should start chipping in, but ladies, use some common sense and don't take advantage.