The Robfather and Chief Featherbrain

In his "Previously on Survivor" opening spiel, Jeff Probst said of Matt, aka, Dr. Jesus: "Matt's time on Redemption Island finally came to an end," when he should have said: "Dr. Jesus's time on Zombie Island finally came to a momentary pause."

Dr. Jesus waxed philosophical about his second blindside. He shouldn't. He's not good at it. "First and Foremost, I'd like to congratulate myself on being the most naive person ever to play the game of Survivor." As always, he gives himself too much credit. Erik letting the girls talk him into giving away his Hidden Immunity Idol, and then instantly voting him out on Survivor: Micronesia, the time James got voted out while he had two Immunity Idol in his pocket (but he was also glad to see me), and of course, JT giving his idol to Russell a year ago, were all more naive than Dr. Jesus's boneheaded play last week. He gets, at best, 4th place. Or rather 5th, also behind Tyson, the idiot who managed to vote himself out in Survivor: Heroes vs Villains.

Dr. Jesus also said: "I am reaping the benefits of my shame." Actually Doc, you're reaping the shame of your stupidity.

Dr. Jesus had a chat with his imaginary god as he put on his socks. (It was a formal chat.) He blathered on about how it was God's Will that he return to Zombie Island, though he remains puzzled by his god's will. I remain puzzled as to how someone allegedly in pre-med could believe in an all-powerful being running the entire universe that nonetheless has time to plot out and micro-manage every tiny detail of Dr. Jesus's life for him. Man, he's stupid. The concept that who wins a TV game show is utterly unimportant in any "Great Scheme of Things" doesn't cross his tiny mind.

He summed it up with a lyrical bit of idiot reasoning: "I trust You. This is Your will, You using my stupidity for Your glory." I'll give his imaginary god props for using the only resource available to Her, Dr. Jesus's stupidity, though I can't help wondering about a few things:

1. Wouldn't it have reflected greater glory on Dr. Jesus's god if She had created The Doc as intelligent instead of hopelessly dumb?

2. Hasn't Dr. Jesus's imaginary god got any more worthwhile goals than just receiving greater and greater glory all the time? Why is the highest thing a human can do heaping further glory on this Divine Egomaniac? His god sounds like a Roman Emperor.

3. Is a god that is so utterly consumed by Her ego that She must seek "glory" all the time, and constantly be praised by her human minions, really worth worshiping? Wouldn't ending world hunger, or ending disease, or ending warfare be a more worthwhile goal than seeking glory through Dr. Jesus's admittedly abundant stupidity playing out on a TV game show?

4. I guess poor God is stuck having to employ the stupidity of Her followers, because smart people know better than to fall for The Christian Con.

Back at Camp Winnie-the-Pooh (Rob named it "Murlonio" after one of his wife's stuffed animals.), David and Mike had to congratulate Rob on the brilliance of his "mob hit" on Dr. Jesus. Rob smiled, thanked them, and kept them on his hit list.

Julie felt the voting out of Dr. Jesus was cold-blooded. "Do you not have any feeling at all for a human being?" Julie, what game are you playing? Nice Guy Island? Rob is playing Survivor. And if you don't start playing it too, you will be joining the jury.

Knowing they are in big trouble numbers-wise, the former Viva Zapatans were scrambling. Mansweater tried to pump Ashley-or-Andrea and Natalie, but hit a stone wall of "We don't know." I'll bet every teacher they ever had was used to hearing that sentence from them.

Mansweater tried offering a deal to them for final three votes, but they couldn't discuss betraying Rob without written permission from Rob and Major League Baseball.

Rob is playing a master's game. He's re-solidified his team, got them refusing to talk with the other tribe, encouraging them to be arrogant and rude to the other tribe, while he himself remains the soul of diplomacy and reasonableness. Brilliant. And he knows that Phillip, aka Agent Dumb Ass, needs little encouragement to be arrogant, superior, and insane.

Natalie reported Mansweater's approach back to Rob, and Ashley-or-Andrea didn't. Oops. Now Rob knows that Ashley-or-Andrea was given an offer that she didn't report back to The Robfather. Fredo, you broke my heart. All deal offers from Viva Zapatans must be reported to Rob in triplicate.a