Humor column breaks down Smackdown from A to Z

A - Awesome. "Fortress of Attitude" and "Fortress of Aptitude" were the names Cole proposed for his cube. Any time a Superman reference can be made, it should and is. How about referring to himself as the "Golden Avenger?" I'm a much bigger Iron Man fan...

B - Brodus Clay is going straight to the top. It's not just the look or the push, I think he has it. It's not that hard to see why he'll be more successful than 97 percent of the NXT Rookies. For one, he has a gimmick, not just a terrible randomly picked name (cough, Johnny Curtis, cough). Secondly, it's easy to see what his role will be. He's clearly defined - he's the big guy and the enforcer. I thought Brodus vs. Edge was very good. Brodus worked a decent big-man match and Edge sold well. It felt like a big deal to beat Brodus. Well done. The only draw back was Booker's commentary, I'm not entirely sure he was speaking English during this match.

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C - Cage! Rage! ...Mage? I'm out of cool rhyming "-age" words. I like the cage match added between Christian and Del Rio. It makes sense for the feud. Del Rio and Christian feels like a cage is the only thing that will let them unleash all of their fury. The problem was Raw just did a meaningless cage match with A-Ry and Cena last week and this one seemed silly. Thanks, Raw! Raw: Doing everything bad that you want to see, so it looks bad when you do it.

D - Dramatic question mark?! Champion vs. Champion! Wowee! This never happens. Even Josh Matthews said this was rare! I looovvveee Zack Ryder too! Can I be anymore sarcastic? Find out!

E - Either that or magic spells. I like how it must be the King of the Ring "curse" that caused Sheamus to lose. The "curse" that has affected no other king of said ring. It can't be anything else. The announcers said it almost as if the "curse" was definitely real and authenticated. I'm waiting for "ghosts" to be the reason why Kofi can't get a main event push.

F - Finally! Sheamus has gotten rid of that embarrassing king gear. He looked like a comic-con attendee that got lost. I thought he was an extra for the upcoming "Thor" movie. I thought he stole his mom's curtains and put Christmas decorations on his head. I thought...okay, I'll stop here. I have plenty of these, though. I filled half a page of my notes with Sheamus jokes. Ahh...WWE.

G - Grade C+. Above average show. The wrestling was decent, too. I'd say the show was better than finding a really nice pen (the value of a good pen cannot be understated) but not as good as after-holiday candy sales.

H - Honestly, Sheamus is getting better. I really liked the Kofi match. Sheamus has a better grasp on storytelling and really seems to be trying to connect with the audience on each move. Good idea in hindsight putting the U.S. Title on him.

I - I love Cody Rhodes. I do this every week, and every time I tell myself "No, Charles, no more rambling about Cody Rhodes in your Smackdown column." Well too bad, because I am. His new gimmick is awesome. It's a true character evolution; as opposed to when guys all of sudden show up with a new gimmick and name with no reason why. It's the natural arc for the "pretty boy" type: humble, over confident, cocky, fall from grace. The new song, the dark lighting, the towel over his head...I like everything about this. Best angle of 2011 so far and maybe of all 2011 when it's all said and done. He's got a World Championship coming soon.

J - Just when I started giving up on women's wrestling (see: TNA columns) Layla and Kelly Kelly put on a decent match. Both women are terrific athletes, which should be the number one quantifier to be a women's wrestler. Unfortunately, it looks like that anticipated Lay-Cool isn't happening unless something happens during the freak show six-person tag at Mania.

K - Kwoosh! Sploosh! Onomatopoeia! That's all WWE is missing from the Sin Cara promos. He now has the ability to make fire surround him at all times, along with his previously shown giant newspaper clipping levitation and glowing aura.

L - Let me get this straight. Two weeks ago, Kane wanted to hit Big Show with a chair with no provocation. One week ago, Show blasted Kane with a chair after their tag match. Now, from Kane's perspective, Show "completes him." Wow. Okay. Talk about the Odd Couple.

M - Most insane thing ever said by an announcer: "Slater and Gabriel have been together for a long time." "How long?" "Almost one year." One year?! That's a long time? I shouldn't be surprised. In WWE years, a one-year tag team is equivalent to 40 human years.

N - Niiiccce. Kane and Big Show's beat down at the hands of Corre was visually striking and compelling. Beat up one individually, sure, but both simultaneously and it's a reputation maker. Of course, it can never be as good as Nexus's debut - easily the most jarring attack in years - but that's the inevitable Curse of Comparison for Corre. They will always be compared to the New Nexus and the original Nexus. It was good, but it was no Nexus.

O - Only in WWE: a large, former collegiate wrestler/football player beats up a short, surfer-type with help from a short, forty-year-old broadcast journalist with a pension for bad puns. On that note...